Tender mercies

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not very good at being an adult. Be it the COBRA medical insurance that I forgot to pay and so it dropped, or far worse, my increased consciousness of the ills and tragedies around me -- I am just plain not good at bearing the yoke of adulthood.

I was up last night burdened for a family at my home church that has been pummeled for two years straight with bad news after bad news regarding the young mother's cancer. Yesterday they got even more bad news. Hasn't it been enough, Lord?

This post is going to sound a lot like this post. Maybe that's evidence that my struggle to deal with what the Lord has dealt isn't just a current season of life. Maybe it's called adulthood.

I'm not writing this post with any great revelations, but more to voice what I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel.

My heart bleeds with compassion, and if I'm honest, fear. How do I deal with the suffering, tragedy, and pain that I'm increasingly aware of every passing day?

Yesterday the Lord led me to Psalm 145, where at least five times, in slightly different ways, David says the Lord is loving towards all He has made. Verse 9 in particular has always been one of my favorites: "The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works."

Lord, even in the midst of turmoil, show us Your tender mercies.

I prayed a lot for tender mercies when I was anticipating childbirth. I knew because of the fall of man, labor was going to be painful. But He says His tender mercies are over all His works. So, in the midst of the pain, I prayed to see His mercies. I also used to pray for tender mercies when mom was alive. We saw them in many forms: a ramp at the house, wonderful caretakers for mom (foremost, my unspeakably great dad), months of no tumor growth during the same time as my pregnancy, meals upon meals (for years) from the church, a big shebang for mom on the birthday that ended up being her last. And in the last days: morphine, unexpected laughter, home, Hospice, family, and selfless friends. And my Will.

I'm praying for evidence of similar tender mercies in the unthinkable situation our family friends are now going through.

And I'm praying for miraculous healing.

And I'm praying for Jesus to come on back and take us home, because the older I get, the more and more unlike home this life on earth feels.

Some days, I want to be this kid again

P.S. IBM reinstated my dropped insurance. Tender mercies.