Except for this pit in my stomach.
I woke up at 4am this morning with an ache in my chest from the anticipation of missing my boy once he's in school all day. The ache welled into tears when I got alone after preschool drop-off this morning. And I've been off and on like that all day. (At least it's fair to say I'm not procrastinating on processing it.) Last night an already-elementary-school-seasoned friend told me bluntly that I'm going to hate it. (Gotta love those honest friends.) He'll be gone all day, get home tired and cranky, and then have homework, supper, and bed, she said.
Motherhood is a funny thing. You pour your heart and soul into this little person, you painstakingly get him right where he's supposed to be, and then he breaks your heart by doing exactly what you want him to do: Growing up.
Today I let myself linger in this motherhood paradox, caught between happiness and sadness at the prospect of everything going exactly as planned.
I know the Lord will continue to remind me these next few months of the sweet thoughts He reminded me of today as I felt all the feelings:
Will is not mine; he is His.
Growth is a blessing (and one I'm humbly aware some don't get to experience).
My Bible reading today was from Numbers 33. (I must admit, when I turned there, so eager for a word from the Lord this morning, my heart sank low. What could Numbers 33 have for me? Turns out, more than I thought.) The chapter is about the stages in Israel's journey out of Egypt. It says that the Lord commanded Moses to record all of the stages of Israel's journey, and then the chapter goes on to do just that, line after line. So many moves. So many changes.
Sending my baby to Kindergarten is another stage in the journey of being his mom. The Lord is at the lead, and He will move us along, change after change.
I'm trusting Him with all my aching, grateful heart.
