Sunsets and matchbox cars

"The sun's about to set!"

It was the only time the whole week that all of us, simultaneously, stopped. A soapy sippy cup still in hand, I rushed to find my spot by the breakfast nook window, along with Kelly, Kyle, Grams, Whitney, Derek, Ryan, Steve, and Flora. Of course us east-coasters think the sight of the sun setting over the ocean is as rare and beautiful as the Hope diamond, but what I love about my west-coast family is that they still think so, too. The sun setting each evening was the calm to the day's fun chaos, even if we had to trip over matchbox cars and blocks to see it.

We spent the first week of November in California, visiting family, celebrating Thanksgiving early, and attending cousin Brenna's wedding.

In between, we squeezed in a trip to the petting zoo, dinner at the amazing South of Nick's restaurant (where even though I couldn't consume the margarita, just being in its presence made me happy - remember last year's post), walks on the beach, trips to the park, a five-star-two-thumbs-up massage, and sunsets. Oh, those sunsets.

Were it not for Steve and Flora's grandparenting (Flora, that box of trucks? Yes, just yes) and Gigi's amazing generosity and hospitality, Ryan and I couldn't use the words we've been using to describe the trip to friends since we've been back: amazing, restful, fun.

And what did Will think of it all? The pictures speak volumes. But there's one thing I didn't capture on camera that all moms of little boys will understand. You want to know how the trip went for Will? Well, let me mention that Gigi doesn't just live on the beach, she has train tracks directly in front of her house. A train went by probably five times a day. Need I say more about what Will thought of California?

I'll let the pictures say the rest.

The whole airport/airplane thing was much easier this time than last... 

...in part thanks to having his carseat to strap that boy down.

And of course this happened right after the lady told us to prepare for landing.

He got off a plane and got on a bus! Happy boy!

Ahhhh! We're here. (This is the breakfast nook view.)

Petting zoo

Hi, my name is Will.

Just don't ask to take one home. 

These cute cousins were together last Thanksgiving, but they actually acknowledged
each other this year! As you can see...

And here starts the slew of Gigi pictures. Because I adore her,
and I can't decide which pic I like the most.

Post her five-star-two-thumbs-up massage, but you could have guessed that.

Papa the pony

Playing with a backdrop like that? Yeah, Will protested when we got home.

I'll just sleep here in this dog bed. (No, he's not really asleep. This is Will we're talking about.)

I can't remember why he's crying here. Probably because  we
wouldn't let him go down to the ocean at 6am.

How wonderful that we got to see Grandma in Santa Barbara.
Will and Josiah may have missed out on the wedding festivities, but
Grandma and Aunt Robin sure didn't disappoint!

The wedding

One of those CA sunsets

Too bad I'm mid blink.

Oh Ryan. (But still, what a cute pic.)

I only wish I was a part of this movie star pic. Whoa!

The beautiful reception

Only in CA. What a fun tree house. And the trees behind it? Yeah, an avocado orchard.
Ryan's cousin's house. 

On the way home. 

It's still the small things. (Phew! says mommy)

What the Lord bestows

I stood in front of the receptionist desk and tried hard to think about what she was asking:

"Can you come in on July 7?"

My mind was elsewhere, trying to sort out the conversation Ryan and I had just had with the doctor at the Duke Fertility Clinic. Five failed rounds of fertility treatments, and he said it was time to move on to a new course of action.

Percentages, multiples, thin lining, endometriosis, maternal age, insurance, cost...

How did I get here, and how do I make it stop?

I fumbled in my purse for my phone to look up July 7 on the calendar, but before I could get to that screen, I saw a text from a friend. She knew about our infertility struggles but didn't know I had an appointment that day. (I just love when the Lord does that.) The text said:

"Read this the other day and thought about you:
'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly' Psalm 84:11."

A crack of light disrupted my darkness, right there in front of the receptionist.

It was as if Jesus Himself walked up to me, leaned in, and whispered in my ear.

"Remember I am FOR you, Susan. I am FOR you in this."

"Yes, July 7th. I'll be here," I said

*****************

If I had it my way, I'd have been pregnant with number two in January of this year.

As is often the case, the Lord had other plans. Other plans which included leading Bible study at church and starting back to work at IBM.

Yes, in the midst of our longing and struggling and striving for another baby (and if I'm honest, my overall attitude of discontentment), the Lord in fact answered my prayers for something new. 

******************

I was at the lake with Allison this summer when I got the text (another one). I pushed the phone back in my pocket and ran to put sunscreen on Will.
It's too soon. I'm not ready. This is not what I was praying for.
The lake, three small kids, dinners, clean up, nap times, and play kept me occupied until I got home, reopened the text, and shared with Ryan.

"Denise texted me and said she has a part-time position back at IBM if I'm interested. I'm not interested, right?"
"Let's just see what the details are, " was his response.

Stability. Practicality. I love that man for both.

Long story short,  I accepted the job at the end of July. (And now finally, a legitimate reason why I've neglected this poor blog. Apparently, a girl can't simultaneously have a job and a blog.)

My motivation for accepting the job was simply this: How can I feel discontent, pray for something new, and then turn it down because it's not wrapped in a baby blanket like I hoped?

I couldn't.

And by the grace of God, I didn't. 

"A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

I've now been working part-time from home for two and a half months. And I've had the privilege of leading a group of ladies in Bible study on Tuesday mornings for one and a half.

The July 7 meeting at the fertility clinic came and went, and the doctor recommended a month off of treatment before climbing the next rung. I actually welcomed the time off. I pushed the box of medicine I'd received in the mail to the back of my fridge and concealed it with a bottle of ketchup and bag of Oreos. For one month, we weren't going to live in that world.

Well, one month of not living in that world led to two and now three.

All because this happened:

I always say I'm impossible to surprise. I'm always thinking, always preparing, always trying to set up my life to be as predictable as possible. In one sense, the world of infertility actually kind of fit into that mentality. I'd take a drug, get pregnant, and know the exact day and time it happened.

I'm happy to report: Not. this. time. No drugs. No expectations. Total surprise.

The Lord, in His abundant kindness, bestowed favor and honor. I don't know why, because we certainly don't deserve it. I pray hard that He'll do the same for people dear to me who are still walking that dim road, waiting for their favor and honor.

Today, we give Him heartfelt praise for our news.

(Baby is due April 7.)

Will's red-letter day

A new dump truck, FaceTime and presents with Grandma, a pizza party, more new trucks, a dirt cake, little friends, a real-live tractor, and nighttime swinging at the farm. That was Will's day today. (Shhhh! Don't tell him it was all Plan B because of rain and mud at the farm!)

 It's probably a good thing a birthday only comes around once a year! Phew!

Happy 2nd birthday (on the 15th), wild man!

Practicing blowing out candles at home. (Yes, we practiced.)

Becca and her amazing "dirt" cake. (And even more amazing son, George)

Peek-a-boo with Mimi

Oh, the poor people at Milton's pizza! The floor was our racetrack.

I like y'all singing to me!

Might as well be sisters.

More new trucks!?!?!? You can't be serious!!!

You've never met a better babysitter. Or friend.

It was a real good day. Can you tell?

School, school, we love school!

Will's second first day of preschool went better than his first.

Here he is back in June, when he went to Mother's Morning Out at Leesville Baptist for the first time:

And this was him this morning, eating breakfast before the first day of preschool at BayLeaf:

Happy on both occasions. (But only because he didn't know what was about to hit him!)

Back in June, the ladies at Leesville had to call me to pick him up early twice -- yes, twice -- in a row because he wasn't happy and wasn't settling down. I couldn't decide whether to feel like a failure or take it as a compliment. I mostly felt like a failure (all the other kids are just fine, what's wrong with my kid!?). As far as the compliment goes, I know I'm an all-star mother and all, but really, Will? They have a playground. A Playground. Don't tell me you'd rather be inside with your mama because I've got 1 year and 9 months worth of evidence to the contrary (which is why we enrolled you in preschool in the first place)!

Everything aside, after two times of picking him up early, he started doing great. I'd pick him up (at the normal time) and hear comments like: "He did great!" "We love him!" "He's so busy!"

I'll chalk his early difficulties up to him having a hard time with change, even good change. He gets that honest. And of course I'll chalk it up to the all-star mother that I am (ahem: pouches for lunch, M&Ms to keep him awake in the car, five-dollar trips to the Rainbow Room. I'm obviously fabulous.)

Needless to say, I was geared up for today to be a difficult transition just like it was in June. On our way to the church this morning, I enthusiastically sang our little cheer over and over again in the car: "School, School, we love School! Yay, School!" (Believe me, I got good at that cheer during his time at Leesville this summer!)

With a quick kiss, "I love you," and commendation to "be big and brave," I dropped him off and made a beeline for the car before his quivering lip had me asking for a refund right then and there.

I had made no plans for the morning (except to be by my phone).

But it didn't ring.

When I picked him up, Mrs. Katelyn's first comment was: "He did great!" When he saw me at the door, he didn't start crying, remembering I'd left him, nor did he happily run towards me (bummer). I honestly think he was trying to decide if he was really ready to leave his class of Joyful Giraffes.

Preschool success.

(Now before things start to sound perfect over at the Thomsens, let me say that he screamed bloody murder at me the whole way home. I offered him my phone (I never do that), I offered him some tic tacs (all-star!), but he wanted none of it.)

Either he was exhausted or he just missed me that much.

I think it was definitely the second.

My precious boy is growing up!

(Here are more pics from today!)

That huge gap between his front teeth?
Yeah, he gets that honest, too.
(Sorry, buddy.)