The next stage

We found out last week that Will got on track four for Kindergarten at Sycamore Creek. It's the track we wanted at the school we've heard so many great things about. And it's the same track as his preschool and church buddy David Aaron. His first full day will be August 3. Everything is lining up perfectly. 

Except for this pit in my stomach. 

I woke up at 4am this morning with an ache in my chest from the anticipation of missing my boy once he's in school all day. The ache welled into tears when I got alone after preschool drop-off this morning. And I've been off and on like that all day. (At least it's fair to say I'm not procrastinating on processing it.) Last night an already-elementary-school-seasoned friend told me bluntly that I'm going to hate it. (Gotta love those honest friends.) He'll be gone all day, get home tired and cranky, and then have homework, supper, and bed, she said. 

Motherhood is a funny thing. You pour your heart and soul into this little person, you painstakingly get him right where he's supposed to be, and then he breaks your heart by doing exactly what you want him to do: Growing up.

Today I let myself linger in this motherhood paradox, caught between happiness and sadness at the prospect of everything going exactly as planned.

I know the Lord will continue to remind me these next few months of the sweet thoughts He reminded me of today as I felt all the feelings: 

Will is not mine; he is His. 

Growth is a blessing (and one I'm humbly aware some don't get to experience). 

My Bible reading today was from Numbers 33. (I must admit, when I turned there, so eager for a word from the Lord this morning, my heart sank low. What could Numbers 33 have for me? Turns out, more than I thought.) The chapter is about the stages in Israel's journey out of Egypt. It says that the Lord commanded Moses to record all of the stages of Israel's journey, and then the chapter goes on to do just that, line after line. So many moves. So many changes.

Sending my baby to Kindergarten is another stage in the journey of being his mom. The Lord is at the lead, and He will move us along, change after change. 

I'm trusting Him with all my aching, grateful heart.

 

Here's five!

So Will turned five... six months ago. I'm obviously too busy keeping up with him to post about it!
I cried on his birthday, which is unusual for me. Something about five feels like a big deal. He'll never be more mine than he currently is, and big things happen at five (ahem... kindergarten), which tangibly mark the beginning of him leaving my nest. Mother tears over the passage of time are a weird mix of sadness, gratitude, and sentimentality--an apt description of me on September 15!

Will is fun and full of energy and ideas. He loves to cook and go fishing. He'll proudly tell you his favorite food is shrimp!

Here's five!

Our beloved Richard!

Precious preschool class. Gracie, Grace, Will, Kate, Hadley, Ella Shae, Virginia

A kid-sized cart at the grocery store is Christmas for my kids

Always inventing!

Backyard fire training

Saturday, May 6, marked the grand culmination in our-several-month-long relationship with the Durham Fire Department, as they burned down the old house in our backyard for practice. Practice for them. Old, moldy house permanently gone for us. For months prior to the big day, we'd catch glimpses of fire trucks heading down our driveway to prepare the scene. Talk about a four year old's dream. Sunday morning Will woke up and said, "I want to do that again!" Unfortunately, buddy, that's not a normal Saturday activity. It was truly an unforgettable day.

The whole thing took about 5 hours to burn. We had lots of friends and bystanders.

Over the months of preparation, we befriended two firefighters in particular,
Will and Tyler (or they befriended us). One afternoon, we heard the doorbell
 and found this surprise at the door for Will. So sweet.

Will and Will

Snow boots and shorts

Remember these things.

The kids yelling for waffles in the morning and then fighting over who gets to push the buttons on the toaster.
"More milk, please" and "can I have my own coffee?" (After all, "I just want to do what I see you do, Mom," says Will.)
John's iconic come-here finger and then patting the floor for me to sit.
The sound of John yelling for "Whoa" (Will) and asking for him every time he wakes up.
John gathering up all three puppies from his bed before he'll let me lift him out. And his favorite blue puppy with the indented tail from so much love.
Finding rocks in the bottom of the washing machine and leaving a stick on the hood of the car at church so we can take it home with us.
Will asking to cook something, his cake concoctions and carrot slices and salads that he insists we all eat.
My feeling of apprehension every time Will says, "Ohhh, I have an idea!"
The sound of the power wheels tractors on a warm day.
John yelling "truck" from the back seat persistently louder until I acknowledge it, too.
Cereal snacks, the orange fish spoon from the cereal box, the bowls with the built-in straws.
Snow boots with shorts and hair that sticks up.
John's prayer at dinner: "Daddy. Amen."
"Five minutes" of Curious George before bed, and "will you check?" as I leave Will's room. "And bring water?"
Our 3 am snuggle habit.
Seeing "glitter" on the side of the road (instead of litter) and "gullets" for his toy gun. Too cute to correct.
Tiny pieces of torn-up paper trash all over the house, spillings from Will's garbage trucks.
"What can I do to earn a dollar, mom?"
Fake burps, even from the two year old!


...the mundane life of a mom with little boys. I know I'll yearn for it when they're big. Oh, to remember these things!

Mother's Day 2017

Will's homemade pinatas

I'd like credit for Will's genetics, but I don't deserve it. He is untiring, optimistic, creative, inventive, imaginative, determined, and incredibly thoughtful. Sounds an awful lot like his wonderful dad. (And maybe he's been watching a little too much Curious George!)

Creative way to feed the birds

Decorating

Creating a town for the birds

Homemade pinatas

I walked into the room one day, and he had paused the tv on this screen
and was drawing the scene on paper....

ta-da

"Look, mom, I made a snowman"

I received gifts like these every day the two weeks
before Mother's Day. Inside were folded pieces of paper.
He said he noticed the bookmarks in my Bible looked worn out
so I needed new ones.

"Let's pretend it's Christmas! I'll make a tree with ornaments
and presents around it."

Keep it up, little boy!

We three kings

I can see how Christmases are all going to run together in my head when I look back years from now. Wonderful things, but nothing necessarily unique. If I had to pick one thing to remember Christmas 2016 by, I'd pick this:

Will singing "We three kings" in a trio during his preschool musical. It was just one verse, but we practiced and practiced, and I might have bribed him with a "shooter" if he sang as loud and proud on stage as he did for me at home. He got up there and nervously swayed back and forth, but he sang loudly and clearly (and earned his shooter). I'll never forget it.

Will, PJ, and Trent. We three kings trio.
(Here he is in mid-swing)

The promised shooter

Christmas 2016, we loved ya!